Hurt Is My Friend
by Loopylou
Summary: Kara collapses in the gym. Lee makes a bad call that may cost them their friendship.
1. Prologue

Hurt Is My Friend

Prologue

"Kara!" Lee yelled as he entered the bunk room. He was beyond pissed with her. He had just covered her briefing, standing in for her when she failed to show up. He was dressed in his uniform rather than his flight suit. He should have been in the cockpit over an hour ago. The few people in the bunk room looked at him, saying nothing. He turned to the closest person, hardly caring when he saw it was Kat.

She smiled at him a little, prompting his scowl to deepen. He didn't miss the gleeful look in her eyes as she took in his angry state. Normally, he would have called her on it, but not wasn't the time. He wasn't sure he should even get involved. It was probably best to let Kara sort the problem out herself.

"Where is she?" He snapped. Tilting his head, he glared at her, demanding the truth right fracking now. She didn't miss the look, sitting up a little bit straighter on the bottom bunk.

"Said she was going to the gym, sir." Kat replied with a shrug. It was clear that she looked up to Lee, but trying to impress him by getting Kara into trouble wouldn't work with him. He disliked it at best, and right now, he could have cheerfully strangled her for trying it.

"When was this?" He asked through clenched teeth. His jaw was so tight, he could practically feel his teeth cracking. He took a breath, forcing his temper down a notch or two. He rubbed the back of his neck, soothing the tension there. It didn't help much, but the headache that was threatening backed off a little.

"Couple of hours ago, sir." Kat said. "She had a bottle with her." Kat added. Her tone was one of calculated concern. It didn't hide the fact that she was loving being in the middle of the excitement.

"Thank you." Lee ground out, turning on his heel and walk quickly out of the door. The remaining pilots exchanged silent, but laden, glances behind his back as the door slammed shut. No-one said a word. The didn't have to- everyone was thinking the same thing. Kara had gone too far this time. She wouldn't get away with it.

It didn't take him long to reach the silent gym. He yanked the door open, ready for a fight. He threw the door shut behind him, not caring when it thudded into the frame with a loud enough bang to make his ears ache.

Looking around the room, he missed the prone figure at first. Seeing her laying crumpled in the corner, he swore and sprinted over to her. Panic set in when he couldn't tell if she was breathing. He brushed a few strands of hair away from her face, shocked by how pale she was. The smudges under her eyes looked like bruises.

Forcing himself to calm down, he rolled her onto her back, reassured by the fact her chest was moving. Her bare arms were covered in goose bumps. Quickly taking off his uniform jacket, he laid it over her. He wondered how long she lad been laying there to get so cold. He hated to leave her, but knew he had to get help. Backing away from her, he used the intercom to call for a medical team. Within minutes, they had arrived and whisked her off to sick bay. He watched them go, mixed feelings churning in his stomach.

Turning, he bent to pick up his discarded jacket. Only then did he notice the half empty bottle, tucked away in the corner. He didn't have to smell it to know what it was. He felt as if the clear liquid was mocking him. Picking it up, he marched grimly to tell his father what had happened.


	2. Chapter One

**A/N- I'm sorry for the delay in updating. I've been having a few problems of my own. Enjoy and a huge thank you to those of you who reviewed!**

Chapter One

Still simmering with anger and concern, Lee raced down the corridor, bottle in hand. He had failed to find the Commander. He didn't want to talk to anyone else. He wanted answers, pure and simple. He never noticed the annoyed looks he received as he dodged people, showing through the thin crowds like an ice breaker through an ice sheet. The clear liquid in the bottle sloshed as he jogged, but it didn't spill.

It only took him a few minutes to reach the sick bay, but it seemed like it took forever. Without a thought to protocol or rank, he burst into the room. He was clenching his jaw so tightly that his teeth were aching. The heavy door swung on its well oiled hinges. He caught it with one hand, closing it behind him for privacy.

A young nurse was unlucky enough to be directly in his path. He grabbed her arm, some part of him remembering to take care not to hurt her. "Where is Captain Thrace?" He snapped. The few other people in the room looked torn between watching and not getting involved.

The young nurse stared at him, eyes wide and wary. "She's with the Doctor." She stammered. "I can tell him you're here."

"I think that would be a good idea." Lee said tightly, letting go of her arm. She hurried away, obviously glad to be away from him. She came back a few minutes later, eyes downcast. The younger man paced the room, waiting for news. He was torn between anger at Kara's actions and concern for her. He'd never seen her look so bad before.

"The Doctor will be out in a few minutes. You can see her then. She's awake."

"Thank you." He offered, feeling awful for shouting at her. She smiled slightly, before disappearing to attend to her duties. Realising he still had the bottle in his hand, he set it down on the table next to him.

The minutes dragged past, each seeming longer than the last. Doctor Cottle came out into the main room, looking troubled. Just as he stepped over to speak to Lee, the door burst open again- this time, two of the deck crew rushed in. The chief was supporting one of the new members, his hands clamped around her wrist. The cloth there was soaked in blood. It was dripping quickly from the Chief's hands, already forming a pool on the floor where they were standing. The young woman was leaning heavily against the Chief, looking pale and scared. He looked worried, eyes scanning the room for help.

Doctor Cottle glared at Lee. "Stay there until I come back!" He ordered Lee, rushing off to deal with the injury. Glancing at the retreating doctor's back, Lee took a giant risk. He crossed the room, searching for Kara in the curtained off bays. He found her in the third bay, quickly stepping inside and drawing the curtain back to hide his presence.

She was covered in a thick layer of blankets, tubes and wires running from her body to various machines. He found them comforting, in a strange way. Her eyes had been closed, but they snapped open as she heard him approach. An IV bag hung above her head, delivering fluid and medicine into her body via a port in her wrist.

"Lee…" She started, face and voice troubled. Her blonde hair had come undone from it's usual pony tail, hanging around her face in fine threads.

Through superhuman control, Lee managed not to shout. "Save it Kara. You've gone to far this time. Drinking so much that you pass out when you're supposed to be on duty is… unbelievably stupid, even for you. You're grounded, for life."

She dragged in a breath that sounded like a sob and said his name again. "Lee…" Her tone was tortured. He'd never heard he sound so upset before and it only served to fuel his anger even more. He barely noticed the heart monitor speed up, so intense was his fury.

"Just because you're Starbuck doesn't mean that we have to put up with this… juvenile behaviour." He used her call sign like an insult. He'd been so worried that she was dying, that seeing her laying, looking hung over was like a giant slap in the face.

She wanted to stop him, to force him to listen to her, but she couldn't find the energy. Fatigue coursed through her, sapping what little strength she had left. She felt sick, though didn't have the energy to vomit. She leaned back on the pillows, shivering in the cool atmosphere.

She managed to force a few little words out, so quietly that she might have imagined them "You're wrong, Lee." With the last of her energy gone, she let herself slip back into silent, still sleep.


	3. Chapter Two

**A/n- Wow! You guys are great! Thank you for all the awesome reviews. Hope you like this next chapter!**

Chapter Two

"Lee!" A male voice called, jerking him out of his pensive reverie. He was pacing outside of the sick bay, having been asked to leave by one of the staff. He'd complied with the request, needing a few minutes alone to think and calm down, to clear his mind. Kara's face lingered there, blocking out everything but his anger and concern.

"What?" He snapped, turning towards the voice. It was his father. The older man looked as concerned as Lee felt. "My office. Now." The Commander snapped, turning before he had even finished speaking. Father and son hurried through the ship, Lee matching his pace to his father's. It only took them a few minutes to reach the Commander's office.

"Doc Cottle's waiting." Commander Adama said, laying a hand on his son's shoulder as he guided the younger man to a chair. Lee sat down heavily, not sure he wanted to know what he doctor had to say. It was sure to be bad news, and if Lee's suspicions were right, it would reflect badly on the flight crew as a whole.

The older Adama sat behind his desk, gesturing of the doctor to take the seat next to Lee's. He folded his hands on the leather top, leaning forward. His tunic was open, showing the traditional double tank tops underneath.

"Well?" Commander Adama asked sharply. His gut was telling him that there was bad news waiting, and he wanted to hear it right fracking now.

Lee interrupted before the doctor could answer. "Had she been drinking?" He asked, tone just this side of respectful.

"No. There was no alcohol in her system." Cottle said firmly. The grey haired doctor sighed deeply, taking a puff of his cigarette before he spoke again. He looked directly at Lee, speaking with a heavy heart. "Kara's sick. She has a condition called Aplastic Anaemia. Her bone marrow isn't making enough red blood cells. That's why she's been so tired lately."

The doctor watched the colour drain out of the other men's faces. He leaned forward, wanting to answer their questions before they were asked. "It's serious. I'm not going to lie to you. It can be fatal. We'll treat it, starting now but it's going to be a long road for her. She'll need regular blood transfusions, and antibiotics." The doctor paused, knowing the next bit of news would be a blow. "And she's grounded until her blood work is satisfactory."

"So, what now?" Commander Adama asked with a heavy heart.

"We're going to do a bone marrow biopsy later tonight to confirm the blood tests. If… when they confirm the diagnosis, we can start treating her."

"What causes it?" Commander Adama asked, wondering about an epidemic on his ship.

He shrugged cynically. "Who knows? Stress is a contributor."

"Oh, gods…" Lee breathed "Oh, gods…" Shame burned through him like a flame. He'd been so awful to her. He thought back, realising she hadn't been begging for forgiveness; rather, she had been trying to tell him. And he'd ignored her, instead choosing to hurl abuse. "She's really sick?" He asked, in a tightly controlled voice.

"It's serious. I think we caught it early enough to be treatable though." The Doctor assured the younger man.

"You think?" Lee asked, sarcasm hanging heavy in his tone. A warning glare from the Commander went un-headed as he waited for the Doctor to answer.

"Yup. We'll know more when the test results are back."

The Commander joined the conversation. "Do you know when that will be?" He asked.

"Should be within a couple of hours." Cottle supplied, standing. "I have patients waiting."

Lee and the Commander both stood, a sign of respect to the doctor. Commander Adama didn't have to, but chose to do so. "Thank you, doctor. Keep me updated on Kara's condition." It was an order hidden as a suggestion, both of them knew that.

"I will." Doctor Cottle said, stepping through the door.

"Doc!" Lee called at Cottle reached the door. The grey haired man paused, half turning. "The deck hand… will she be alright?"

"Yup. It was just a nasty cut. She'll be right as rain in a few weeks." He said, throwing them a sad salute with his un-lit cigarette. It swung shut behind him, leaving Lee and his father sitting in silence.

Guilt clawed at Lee like it was trying to escape his body. He'd been so, so wrong. As he thought about it, he felt his face flush with shame. Noticing his father watching him, he ducked his head, hiding from that searching gaze. He shoved his hand through his hair, welcoming the slight pain as he pulled on the roots.

"What is it?" The Commander asked, still watching his son. He knew that Lee was ashamed, but didn't know why. Standing up, he came around the desk, sitting on the chair Cottle had vacated.

Lee spoke into his lap, words low and hurried. "I shouted at her, Dad. Called her names. Used her call sign like an insult. Practically accused her of being a drunk." Scrubbing his hands over his face, he continued. "She tried to tell me, I think. I was too angry to listen to her. Gods, why didn't I listen?"

The Commander patted Lee on his shoulder, standing. "Go see her, Lee. Make things right between you."

Lee stood, nodding, shame slowly changing into determination to fix what he had broken. "I will, Dad. I will." He said. Both of them pretended not to notice the lack of conviction in his voice.


	4. Chapter Three

**A/N- Once again, thank you for all the reviews! Here's the next chapter- it's a bit longer than the last. Hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think of the Kara/Lee interaction. :)**

Chapter Three

Lee crept into the private room that Kara had been given. He carried a peace offering; a clean pair of sweats, the book she had been reading and her wash bag. She was sleeping, blankets twisted around her slim body as she tried to find a comfortable position. He leaned over the bed, trying to get a clear look at her sleeping face. She shifted in her sleep, perhaps sensing Lee's presence looming over her.

He reached over to brush a strand of silken blonde hair back from her face. As his fingertips grazed her skin, she opened her eyes. If she was shocked to see Lee leaning over her, she didn't show it. She shoved his arm away with surprising strength, venom blazing in her eyes. Anger lent her cheeks colour, the pink flush at odds with the paleness of the rest of her skin.

"Come back for another go?" She spat, sitting up with difficulty. Lee reached over to help her, only to have her slap his hands away again. The IV line in her wrist caught and pulled. She winced, dropping her hand at her side, but not before he'd seen the blood leaking from the wound. He wanted to cover it, stop her loosing any more of the precious fluid, but he knew she'd never let him touch her.

"Kara…" It was his turn to say her name. His tone was desolate, pleading for her to listen to him. Just like she'd pleaded with him. The guilt flared up again, and he hated himself for his actions. What right did he have to stand there and beg for her to listen to him when he hadn't been able to offer her that courtesy?

It was her turn to ignore him. Even as sorrow took hold, he couldn't blame her. The colour in her cheeks had died away, leaving her looking paler than he'd ever seen her. It tore at his heart, while he guilt tore at his gut.

She glared until he backed away from the bed, leaning over to pick up the stuff he'd brought her. He laid them on the foot of the bed, folding the sweats neatly. It was a cover, hiding how much his hands were shaking.

He heaved in a deep breath, feeling like there was a metal band around his chest, preventing him breathing properly. "Kara, I'm sorry." He whispered. "I was so very badly wrong. I'm not surprised that you hate me. Hell, I hate myself pretty much right now."

"And you think that coming in here, begging for my forgiveness is going to help?" She said scornfully.

"I don't know… I hope so." He admitted, keeping his eyes on the floor. If he looked in her eyes, he'd drown in the guilt that was consuming him slowly.

"It's not that easy." She retorted, "What you said… what you said fracking hurt, Lee. You've been mad at me before, but you've never been that mean." She forced out.

"You didn't deserve it, Kara. No-one would have. I was worried, and angry, and I took it out on you because you were an easy target." Lee confessed.

She scoffed, a little smile on her face. "You were worried?" Her eyes said, _how do you think I feel, you fracking idiot? _

He found that he could answer the question in them. Kara couldn't be scared. She didn't do scared, his mind insisted. Only, a deep place in his heart knew that she did. That same deep place knew she must be terrified by the illness that had invaded her body.

"Gods, Kara. I really screwed up, didn't I?" He said, voice dead flat with guilt and anger at himself.

"Yes, Lee. You really did." She said quietly, fiddling with a thread on the blanket covering her.

"Can you ever forgive me?" He asked in the same tone. He wouldn't blame her if she said no. How could he?

"I… I don't know."

The young nurse that Lee had spoken to earlier came into the room, and Kara fell silent. Both of them watched as the nurse checked the machines that Kara was still hooked up to, writing her findings down on a clipboard that she had taken from the end of Kara's bed.

"What's your name?" Lee asked, anything to break the heavy, uncomfortable silence that hung in the room like a cloak.

"I'm Winter." The nurse offered, replacing the clipboard. She picked up the items Lee had dropped on the bed, slipping them into a cupboard next to the bed. Straightening the covers, she frowned at Kara's hand, where her IV line had pulled loose.

Gathering some supplies, she cleaned the sticky, half dried blood from Kara's hand, moving the line and re-inserting it. Lee kept his eyes on Kara's face, deeply pained when she winced as the needle pierced her skin. Sticking a dressing over the wound, Winter taped it all into place. She hung a bag of blood, attaching it to Kara's IV line. Finished for now, she smiled at them, leaving the room.

A strained truce, fragile at best, started when Kara offered "Third one today." There was a catch in her voice, a little scared note that they both picked up on.

Lee was transfixed by the blood dripping into Kara's arm. "I really am sorry, you know." He said, feeling his eyes start to burn. Somehow, the little scene in front of him had hammered the reality of Kara's illness home for him. He didn't know what to say, how to behave.

"Sit down, Lee." Kara said tiredly, "You're making the place look untidy."

He sat, wishing he could hold her hand. They could both use a little human contact right now. He inched his chair closer, taking her hand. She tensed, as if she was going to pull away, but let him wrap her hand in his warm fingers.

"How do you feel?" He asked, after a few quiet minutes had dragged past.

She shrugged, averting her eyes. "Tired mostly… a little sick." She said, not telling him that her bones ached like she'd just run a marathon. Not mentioning the fact that she was scared half out of her mind by the fact she could be dying.

He was about to ask her more when doctor Cottle walked into the room, accompanied by Commander Adama. It was time for Kara's biopsy. Once that was done, they would know exactly how bad her illness was. The three men looked at her. None of them had ever seen her so scared. None of them ever wanted to see her that scared again.

Doctor Cottle stepped towards the bed. "Kara. It's time." He said.


	5. Chapter Four

Chapter Four

"Oh Gods, Lee!" She said quietly, as if the imminent procedure had robbed her of her voice. He clutched her hand tighter, trying to give her as much support as he could. Her grip on his hand was tight, even as she watched the doctor approach the bed. He picked up the clipboard, scanning the notes written there before replacing it. He seemed satisfied by the notes. His trademark cigarette was noticeably absent. He had changed into scrubs, surgical gloves ready in his pocket. He wore a lab coat open over the scrubs. The ship was always fairly cold, and the thin cotton wasn't very warm.

"Kara, we're gonna do your biopsy now." He said gently. "It shouldn't take too long. It might be a little painful, but we'll deal with that for you, okay? Would you like a sedative?" He asked, hand dipping into his pocket where the syringe containing the sedative was. He fully expected her to say no. Viper pilots always had been tougher than everyone else.

She shook her head. "No thanks." She dragged in a breath, squaring her shoulders as best she could. "Okay." She said, surprised at how calm her voice sounded. Being sick was any athlete's worst nightmare, and she was an athlete. The thought of never being able to fly a viper again was her worst nightmare. To lose one of her greatest loves would be like to lose a part of herself.

"I'll leave you with the Commander and Lee for a few minutes while I get ready." Doctor Cottle said, stepping out of the room. He left the door slightly open behind him, in case Kara had any last minute questions.

Commander Adama studied the clipboard, knowing enough about medicine to be able to understand most of it. He finished reading, setting it back down to stand next to Kara, laying a hand on her shoulder. His hand was warm and soft. She lifted her other hand to touch it and closed her eyes, absorbing the unconditional love and support they were offering her. No-one spoke. The moment passed far too quickly, broken by the doctor stepping back into the room.

Winter, the nurse, came behind him, rolling a covered metal cart. They could hear instruments rolling around on it. She left it at the foot of the bed, folding the covers down to the end of the bed.

"Commander, Lee, if you'd…" The doctor started.

Kara looked up, slight panic in her eyes. "I want Lee to stay." She said.

The doctor glanced from father to son. "I'll wait outside." The commander said, wordlessly giving his permission for Lee to stay.

Winter helped Kara roll onto her left side, giving her a pillow for support. Kara instinctively drew her legs up to her chest, curling up around the pillow. She shivered, cold without the blankets. Winter drew them up over her legs tucking them around her carefully to keep her warm. Lee sat down in the chair, taking hold of both of her hands. She had her eyes closed, but he could see the worry on her face. Lifting one hand, he gently kissed it. One corner of her mouth lifted into a half smile, and she tightened her grip on his hands. He talked, quietly, so that only she could hear the words, telling her that she was going to be fine, that it would all be over soon.

Lee watched as Winter opened Kara's yellow gown, folding it back so that the area over her hip bone was accessible. She cleaned the area, discarding the used swabs into a kidney shaped dish. Once she was satisfied the area was clean, she covered it with a green surgical drape.

Doctor Cottle uncovered the cart, folding the cloth and placing it on the top, next to the instrument tray. He picked up the pre-loaded syringe, checking that there were no air bubbles in it to cause problems. He held it on one hand while he felt for the spot he wanted with the other. Kara frowned a little, eyes opening at the uncomfortable pressure the doctor was using. He found the spot, resting his fingers on it.

"This will sting." He warned, injecting the local anaesthetic.

She winced a little, thinking that he hadn't lied. It did sting, but she had felt worse. She could cope with it. Her knee injury had been so much worse; this was nothing compared to that.

"You okay?" Lee asked, tilting his head to look at her.

"I'm okay." She said, surprised that it was mostly true. He brushed his thumb over her cheek, feeling a rush of warmth towards her. It helped chase away his earlier guilt. He felt that she still hadn't forgiven him; she just needed a friend and he was closest.

"Feel that?" The doctor asked. She shook her head; she hadn't felt anything.

"Good." He said shortly, turning to take the biopsy needle from Winter. Lee felt his eyes widen when he saw it; it looked huge. The needle was at least five inches long, with a plastic handle that spread out into a T shape.

The doctor positioned it against Kara's hipbone, pushing firmly. It slid through her skin easily, hitting bone with a slight crunching sound. The pressure from the needle wasn't quite painful. Cottle rotated the needle, breaking through the outer layer of bone. Lee kept his eyes fixed on her face. She was frowning, brows drawn together in pain as the doctor started to remove the sample of her bone marrow. It was a preternatural, inescapable pain, different to anything she had felt before. The small syringe attached to the much bigger needle slowly began to fill with bone marrow.

When the doctor was satisfied that enough bone marrow had been collected, he removed the small syringe, laying it in a dish on it's own. "Get that to the lab." He said to Winter, who labelled the syringe, rushing out of the room with the dish in her hand.

"Almost done." Doctor Cottle said to Kara.

"Good." She muttered, wishing it was over and done with already. Closing her eyes, she leaned into Lee's hand. She was suddenly exhausted, her illness at work. "Tired…" She mumbled. Lee felt his mouth curve into a smile. She looked so darn cute.

Cottle carefully withdrew the needle, holding a gauze pad over the wound. It was bleeding quite a lot. He deposited the needle on the cart, with the other debris. The plastic syringes, and biopsy needle would be sterilised, to be used again. The paper debris would be incinerated.

"Is that normal?" Lee asked, slight panic in his voice.

"It's about normal." Cottle assured him, "Here, put pressure on there." He guided Lee's hand over the spot. "I'm going to let the Commander know we're done."

"Okay." Lee said, pressing down firmly on Kara's hipbone. She shifted a little under his hand, and he relaxed the pressure slightly. "Sorry." He murmured. "Did I hurt you?"

She managed a shrug, failing. "A little."

He rubbed his other hand down her exposed back, marvelling just how soft her skin was. "I'm sorry." He said again, inadequately. "About earlier too… I was a bastard."

She wished that she could see his face, but he was standing behind her. "Yes, you were." She said, agreeing with him.

"Think you can forgive me?" He asked, words teasing, tone serious.

"Hell, Lee… I don't know." She said, "I've been wrong before Lee, but I can't be wrong this time. I need to know… I need to know that it'll never happen again." They both knew how hard what she was asking for would be. "Promise me, that no matter how mad you get, you'll listen to what I have to say." She asked him.

"I can't… I can promise to try." He knew it wouldn't be good enough. "I promise to try." He said.

She sighed, and he felt it through his fingertips. "That's not enough, Lee." He felt her draw in a long breath, felt her hold it before finally letting it out when she made her decision. He held his breath, wondering if their friendship was over. "It's not good enough, but I can live with it." She finally said. "I can't lose you Lee, not now, not while I'm sick."

He said the only thing he could think to say "Thank you, Kara. Thank you."


	6. Chapter Five

**A/N. Hey folks! Sorry I didn't get this chapter up yesterday; work got the better of me and I didn't get chance to post it. Hope you enjoy and thank you for all the feedback. It helps make the story better! J**

Chapter Five

Lee shifted his weight, leaning his hip against the bed. His back was aching, and his feet didn't feel much better. He knew his aches were trivial compared to Kara's problems, but that didn't take them away. He stretched as best he could without letting up on the pressure over Kara's biopsy wound. He was fairly sure Kara was sleeping; he'd felt her breathing pattern shift, becoming more deep and even. To be sure, he leaned forward a little, saying "Kara?" softly, eyes on her face.

She sighed so quietly that it was like a memory, burying her head further into the pillow. He smiled tiredly, glad that she was resting. Lee flipped her gown down, covering most of her bare back. She sighed again, more contentedly this time. He sighed too, rubbing his face with his spare hand. It had been a very, very long day and it was nowhere near over.

Doctor Cottle came back into the room, "Commander was wanted in CIC. He's put the deputy CAG in charge until tomorrow; he wants you to rest." He said gruffly. Changing topic, he asked "How's out patient doing?"

"She's asleep." Lee offered, stepping back from the bed to let the doctor in. Lee moved around the bed, marvelling at how peaceful she looked in repose. Sleep took the strain away from her face, making her look younger, and somehow, much more innocent. He liked the change, wishing it could happen while she was awake.

Cottle pulled the gauze pad off her wound, examining it carefully. He seemed satisfied by what he saw. "Bleeding's stopped fully, that's good." He said, more to himself than to Lee. Lee winced a little, looking at the growing bruise. He hoped it looked worse than it felt.

From his lab coat pocket, Doctor Cottle took out a small, sealed pouch. He laid it on the bed while he pulled on a pair of surgical gloves. Tearing it open, he pulled out a dressing, which he stuck carefully over the small wound. It looked strange, bright white against Kara's creamy skin. Cottle checked the IV, and finding it mostly empty, replaced it with a bag of saline.

"We'll have her results back by tomorrow." Cottle said, taking off his gloves. He walked to the end of the bed, making notes on Kara's chart with a pen he'd taken from his pocket. "Once they're back, we can get started on her treatment proper."

"Can I stay with her?" Lee asked.

"I don't see why not. Just don't disturb her." Cottle said, giving Lee a long look before leaving the room.

He didn't close the door behind himself. Lee pulled the covers up to Kara's shoulder, keeping her warm. She turned over on to her front, an arm thrown up above her head. Lee settled himself in the chair, stretching out as best he could. Beside him, Kara shifted in her sleep, searching for a comfortable position. She tossed and turned for a few minutes more. Lee watched her, finding his eyes suddenly meeting her sleepy, annoyed eyes.

"Want me to go?" He asked, with a gentle, crooked smile. He knew she hated trying to sleep with someone watching her. She shook her head, not trusting herself to speak. What she was about to ask him went against everything in her, but she needed it so very badly.

"Lay down with me?" She asked in a small voice, not looking at him. Felt her cheeks heat when he stared at her, not moving. "Never mind…" She murmured, starting to roll over.

He mentally winced; she had misread his reaction totally. He slipped out of his tunic, laying it over the back of the chair. "I thought you'd never ask." He said, warmly, a gentle smile on his face as he looked at her. "What's wrong?" He asked, noticing the hesitant look on her face.

"I have to pee…" She said softly.

"Oh… Okay." He said, just as softly. "I'll get the nurse."

"Thanks Lee." She said, sitting up as he left the room. She felt okay, and carefully swung her legs over the edge of the bed. She didn't dare stand on her own. A different nurse came in, flanked by Lee. She was pushing a wheelchair, and part of Kara wanted to argue that she didn't need it. All thoughts of argument went out of her head as she tried to stand for the first time in over twenty hours. Her knees were weak, legs shaky as they took her weight. She was absurdly grateful when Lee took her arm, steadying her for the few steps it took to reach the wheelchair. The nurse hung Kara's IV bag on a stand on the wheelchair, pushing her briskly out of the room.

"Lee, pass my sweats, please." She asked, sick of the stupid gown. He passed her them. They where her thin cotton ones, perfect for sleeping in.

Her trip to the bathroom only took a few minutes. She walked around in the bathroom for a minute or so, stretching her legs. The strength seemed to be returning to them slowly as she exercised, even as she felt herself tire. Returning back to the room, she found Lee standing by the bed, tidying the pillows and covers. She got back in with the nurse's help.

He toed his shoes off, tucking them under the chair that held his coat. He laid down behind her, scooting forward so their bodies just touched. The part of herself that she called Starbuck wanted to smack him for what he'd just said. Wanted to get up out of that bed, and pretend that there was nothing wrong with her. No disease taking her life away from her; no chance that she might be dying. Go back to her normal life, no matter how screwed up it had been.

The part of her called Kara welcomed his warmth against her back, acknowledged that it had been far too long since she let anyone hold her the way he was holding her now. It felt right, and that was all that mattered. She lent back into him, knowing she'd forgive him any sin if he just held her like that a little bit longer. It felt so darn good. She trusted him implicitly, and that counted for a lot right now.

She shifted slightly, the dull ache in her hip making her uncomfortable. She ended up on her back, leaning against him, head resting on Lee's chest. Both of them covered by the blankets; Lee had pulled them over himself when he laid down. She could hear his heart beat, loud and clear in the quiet room. Could feel every breath he took. She wondered how many breaths she had left and all of a sudden, found herself crying silently. She never knew what made him notice her tears.

Her shoulders shook as sobs wracked her body. He didn't say a word, simply gathered her up in his arms and held her until she could speak. She felt that if he let her go, she'd shatter in to a million shards that no-one would be able to put back together. She was scared, so badly scared that if she thought about it, she felt her gut clench with fear. Felt her breathing pick up speed, to the point where she was almost hyperventilating. She hated the feeling, hated the strength it stole from her. If she could just hold on, she'd be alright.

"Gods, Lee… I'm scared." She admitted quietly. "I don't want to die." Facing death in a viper cockpit was very different to facing death in a sterile hospital room, she found. She always considered herself physically brave, to the point of recklessness, but when she needed that bravery, it had deserted her.

"You're not going to die, Kara." Lee said firmly, "You're one of the strongest people I know."

She sniffed, catching her breath as her sobs died down slowly. "I don't feel that strong." She admitted, "I want this to be over." She let her eyes drift closed. They fell into a comfortable silence for a few minutes. She moved her head slightly and opened her eyes. When she spoke, he had to lean forward to hear what she was saying.

"I didn't think I'd die like this." She said it softly, but he still heard her.

"Don't say that. You are not going to die. You're going to live until you're an old, old lady." he said, even though he knew it might not be true. Anything could happen. They were still at war. Any of them could die out in space, flying the vipers. It wasn't a comforting thought, and worried that she could somehow sense how morbid his thoughts had become, he dragged his mind back to the present.

"Doc Cottle says your results will be back tomorrow." He told her, wondering what her reacting would be. She shrugged slightly, to tired to worry now.

"That's good." She murmured. She felt exhausted; she couldn't recall ever being this tired before, even in the first days of the war. She felt a little breathless, another effect of her illness. She smiled wan smile as he placed the gentlest of kisses on her forehead, just where her hair started. He stroked a hand through her hair, soothing her until she gave into her exhaustion and slept. Lee forced himself to stay away, feeling the need to watch over her. He stayed awake long into the night, keeping her demons at bay.


	7. Chapter Six

Chapter Six

He must have dosed off. Movement in the doorway brought him hurtling back to awareness so fast he felt his heart jump. He found that the lights had been dimmed, squinting a little to make out the person silhouetted in the doorway. The light was behind them, making his task all the harder. He ran a hand through his hair, sending it spiking in every direction.

"Helo?" He asked, not sure he was seeing right. He scrubbed his eyes with the back of his hands, clearing the sleep from them.

"I was looking for the CAG." Helo explained, "I was told you were here. You okay?" He seemed slightly annoyed to fine Lee in bed. Kara was hidden, head tucked under the covers. Lee nodded absently, not really taking in the question.

"What time is it?" He asked groggily, trying to get his bearings. He forced himself to sit up, easing out of the cocoon of warmth his and Kara's bodies had make under the covers.

Helo checked his watch, "Almost five, sir."

Lee pushed the covers back fully, preparing to get out of the bed. "What do you want?" He asked, bluntly.

Helo didn't answer, too busy staring at the bed. Lee's tanks were twisted, crumpled from being slept in. they had ridden up, exposing most of his toned stomach. Lee shoved them down, scowling a little. He glanced up, catching Helo staring hard at the bed, an incredulous scowl on his face. Lee followed Helo's line of sight, ending up on an unmistakable tousled blonde head. Helo frowned, at a loss what to do.

"Helo, it's not what you think." Lee said quickly, standing up. Kara stirred, but didn't wake. Lee moved closer to Helo, lowering his voice. "This stays in this room. Got it?"

The taller man nodded, "Got it, sir."

"Kara's sick… really sick." Lee told him. "The doctor thinks she has a condition called Aplastic Anaemia. Her body isn't producing enough red blood cells."

"Is it serious?" Helo asked, worry etching lines in his face as he frowned.

"Pretty serious." Lee said, "We're waiting for her test results back. She gets them today. The doctor took a biopsy yesterday."

Kara would kill him if she knew that he'd told someone she was sick. He closed his eyes briefly, feeling guilty about sharing her secret. He knew she and Helo were friends, but wasn't sure how close they where. Didn't know how much he should have told the other man. Helo read his expression easily.

"Don't worry, sir. It won't leave this room unless Kara wants it too."

"Thank you, Helo." Lee felt a rush of gratitude for the other man's discretion. "What did you want to see me about?" He asked, sitting on the chair to slip his shoes on.

"It was nothing really. Just a question about the flight roster. It'll keep." He said with a slight shrug.

Kara moaned softly, waking up. Her hip was aching, and she felt exhausted still. Other aches and pains made themselves known as she moved. "Did I sleep?" She asked sarcastically.

"Yup. Like a log." Lee told her, a half smile on his face.

"It doesn't feel like it." She said grouchily.

She pushed herself into a sitting position, stretching as best she could. She rubbed her face with both hands, trying to wake up. Her stomach growled, but she didn't feel like eating. Showing her fingers through her hair, she found it had come loose from its habitual ponytail. She felt around in the bed, finding the ponytail holder. They were hard to come by on the ship.

Finally, she registered the other person in the room. "Helo?" She asked. "What are you doing here?" She asked with a scowl.

"I came by to see the CAG." Helo said. "I didn't know you were in here." He admitted.

Kara glanced at Lee, eyes questioning. "Does he know?" She meant _did you tell him?"_

"Yes. He knows." Lee admitted, at the same time Helo said "It won't leave this room, Kara. You know I'd never talk about something like this."

Kara nodded, satisfied for the moment. "Just please don't tell anyone." She asked, not quite begging.

"I promise." Helo said. "It goes no further."

"Thanks Helo." She said. She knew that news travelled extremely fast on a ship like the Galactica. She didn't want everyone one on board knowing about her illness.

Helo cleared his throat, a little bit uncomfortable. "So, how do you feel?" He asked.

She almost gave him the standard 'I'm fine' answer, deciding at the last moment that he deserved the truth. "Tired. Sore from the biopsy. A little sick." Her stomach chose that moment to rumble again.

"Have you eaten?" Helo asked the pair of them. They both shook their heads. "Not since breakfast yesterday." Lee said, while Kara tried to think when she had last taken a bite. She came up blank. "Not in a while."

"I'll have some food sent down for you." He said, taking his leave. "I'm on shift in a few." He explained with a shrug. He tried to think of something comforting and encouraging to say to Kara and came up with nothing. He crossed the room, wrapping her in a gentle hug. She hugged him back, whispering a soft thanks in his ear.

With a quick smile to Lee, Helo left them alone. He closed the door over almost halfway, giving them more privacy. Kara swung her legs over the edge of the bed, gingerly lowering herself to the floor. Unlike Lee, she had nothing on her feet and the floor was freezing. "Frack." She cursed softly, holding onto the bed for stability.

"What are you doing?" Lee asked, torn between concern and amusement at the look on her face.

"I need to move; work some of the kinks out." Kara explained. She took a couple of steps, finding that she was steadier that she'd expected. Her progress was brought up short by the IV line. Sometime in the night, it had been replaced by a new, full one. The new bag was still over half full.

Kara glanced at Lee. "Think I can get rid of this thing for a while?" She asked.

"I'll find a nurse and ask." Lee offered, dispersing through the door. On her own for the first time in a while, Kara felt the fear bite at her once more. She was deeply worried at what her test results would show. She wasn't sure that she even wanted to find out what they said.

She felt a sob building and fought it back, using her inner strength not to give into her fear. It had always worked for her before; there was no reason for this time to be any different, she told herself sternly. She had her emotions firmly under control by the time Lee re-appeared, a nurse to his left.

"Let's unhook you." She said, smiling. "Doctor says you can come of this for now." She patted the bed, inviting Kara to sit. Kara did, laying her arm on the pillow that the nurse passed her.

"Good." Kara said absently, watching as the nurse worked. It only took her a few minutes to replace the IV line with a saline lock.

"All done." She said, just as cheerfully.

"Do you know when the doctor's going to have my results?" Kara asked.

"He's planning on coming before nine." The nurse said "He'll get them at about seven."

"Thanks." Kara said, going to stand.

"You're welcome." The nurse said, reaching in her pocket and pulling out a pair of socks. "To keep your feet warm on these floors."

Kara smiled, touched by the simple gesture. "Thank you…" She said, at a loss what else to say.

The nurse just smiled, collecting her equipment and leaving the room. She nearly bumped into one of the kitchen assistants, coming into the room with a loaded cart of food and drink.

Despite still feeling slightly sick, Kara's stomach rumbled as she took in the pile of toast, dish of egg substitute, and the coffee jug. Lee handed her a plate, loading it with three slices of toast. He passed her the spread, and a knife, waiting until she had finished to fix his breakfast.

"Want some egg?" He asked, around a mouthful of the same. It didn't taste too bad, almost like real eggs.

"No, thanks!" Kara said, nibbling a slice of toast.

"It's not to bad, actually." Lee told her, scooping up another forkful. She just shook her head, still on her first slice of toast.

Lee watched her carefully, glad to see some colour coming back into her pale face as she ate and drank. Once she had eaten the first slice of toast, she felt better and eat the next two far quicker, washing it down with a cup of weak, but real coffee.

With breakfast finished, they both stood. "Where next?" Lee asked her.

"Bathroom. I want to have a wash!" She said, starting walking slowly. She felt okay, not like her old self but not too bad considering. Lee hovered close to her, there to give her support if she needed it, but not close enough to be intrusive and piss her off.

They reached the sick bay's small bathroom. Lee chose to wait outside, letting her go first. "Yell if you need me." He told her, seriously.

"I will." She said, matching his serious tone.

It only took her a few minutes to use the facilities and have a wash. She glanced at herself in the mirror, hating the dark circles under her eyes. She rinsed her mouth out with plain water, wishing she had her toothbrush. She came out, holding the door open for Lee. He was just as quick as she had been, coming out with his hair wet. They looked at each other, knowing that they had nothing to do now but wait.


	8. Chapter Seven

**A/N. Wow, sorry it took me so long to get this one up. Real life getting in the way of writing again! Hope you enjoy and thank you for all the reviews.**

Chapter Seven

Kara decided that she really hated waiting; each passing second felt like an eternity. She wanted to pace, to move, but her illness was sapping the strength from her, anchoring her to the bed like a set of heavy chains. Lee sat quietly on the chair, brow furrowed with anxiety. He'd look up at her occasionally and smile a semi-reassuring smile, before lapsing back into his pensive brooding. Neither of them wanted to talk, and the silence between them was a comfortable, if slightly worried one.

Kara found herself tapping her fingers, and stopped quickly. The urge to move was burning strong in her and not being able to was almost like a form of torture. She wriggled a little on the bed, trying to get comfortable. The pillows behind her back felt lumpy and flat. Half turning, she tried to fluff them up, to little avail. She sighed, breaking the silence. Lee glanced at her expectantly.

"Where is he?" She asked, tone bordering between frustration and whining. She found herself fidgeting again, earning a semi-annoyed look from Lee. He wasn't that mad; he could understand why she was doing it, but the sound of her tapping fingers was enough to drive him crazy.

"I don't know." Lee said, checking the time. "He's late. The nurse said he'd be here by now."

"I bet that means it's bad news. He's figuring out how to tell me…" Kara said, going even paler. Her eyes were suddenly huge, dark orbs in her ashen face.

Lee tried humour. "You know Cottle. He'd just come out with it. No trying to be gentle." He reached over, brushing his hand over hers in silent support.

He got a strained half smile in return. "That's the truth." Her fingers picked at the edge of the blanket worrying a loose thread there. It broke off, and she absently started tying knots in it, turning it into a little ball shape.

She didn't get chance to reply; the door swung open suddenly. Cottle stepped through it, a chair in his spare hand. He had a light blue folder tucked under his arm. Kara's eyes were drawn to his face. Faces could tell you everything you wanted to know, if you knew how to look. Kara did; she'd learned it the hard way.

"Doc?" She asked quietly, gut telling her that the blue folder contained bad news. She couldn't take her eyes off it.

He sighed deeply, sitting down. Laying the folder on the bed, he flipped it open to the first page, quickly scanning the notes there to refresh his memory. He didn't need to; news like this was seared into his brain. There was no way he could forget it, but he wanted to give Kara the courtesy

of all the facts.

Satisfied that he was ready, he closed the folder, straightening the edges.

"It's not good news. I'm sorry." He said, finding that he really was sorry. He liked Kara, even though she wasn't the best patient in the fleet. "Your anaemia is severe. Your red blood count is very low- your bone marrow isn't producing enough red blood cells."

"We knew that, doc." She whispered "Am I dying?"

"It is life threatening." He told her, face solemn. "We're going to treat it aggressively." He paused, collecting his thoughts "You need a bone marrow transplant."

"Will that cure me?" She asked. Lee took her hand, holding it tight. That lifeline was all that kept her from breaking down.

"It's not a guaranteed cure." Doctor Cottle told her. "It will help."

"When?" She asked, voice little more than a whisper. "When will you do it?"

"That's why I was late. I started the search for a donor. As soon as we find one, well carry out the transplant. The sooner the better." He sighed again. "I'm sorry, Kara. We'll keep searching for a donor."

She closed her eyes, blocking out the world. Her grip was almost painful on Lee's hand. "Shit…" She said softly, ignoring the men.

Doctor Cottle stood, chair scraping across the floor. "We'll start your drug regime now."

She didn't react, mind too busy trying to absorb the fact that she could be dying. To busy not letting herself cry like she wanted… needed to. The comforting pressure of Lee's hand disappeared as he stood up.

"Doc?" She heard Lee say softly. "Will you test me?"

"If you're willing to…"

"Of course I'm willing!" Lee snapped, then flushed, ashamed at his outburst. "Sorry, Doc." He said quietly.

They were still talking, she could hear them, but lacked the energy and interest to make out what they were saying. She ached for a drink, a real on; not the weak coffee and water she'd had so far. She wanted a shot, to scorch away the pain in her chest. To burn out the sickness inside of her. She wanted it so very badly. Oblivion was one way with dealing with bad news. It was quickly becoming her way.

"Doc?" She said, opening her eyes. The were bloodshot, flooded with the tears that were making their way down her face, despite her efforts to stop them.

"Yeah?" He said, turning at the door.

"Can I go?" She asked, hoping he would say yes. She needed to get out of the sick bay for a while.

"Come back before four." He told her. "And stay off the drink!" He warned before leaving.

She swung her legs over the edge of the bed, sitting still for a second before sliding onto her feet. Her knees felt weak, and she clutched the bed for support while she caught her balance. Not stopping to wait for Lee, she started walking, mind still on that drink.

"Kara!" Lee snapped, catching hold of her arm. "Wait, where are you going?"

"Anywhere out of here! I need…" She wisely stopped short of saying she wanted a drink; Lee would only stop her.

"You want what, Kara?" He asked, tone indicating her knew what she had been going to say.

"Please… Lee…" She said, eyes begging. He sighed, letting go of her arm.

"My office will be free." He said grudgingly. "But you're only getting one drink. That's it." He told her.

"Thank you." She said, and started walking. He stuck close to her, just in case, but she didn't need his help. The ship was quiet, everyone busy working. A few people smiled and said hello, but the majority were pre-occupied with their duties.

They reached the office, Kara sitting while Lee closed the door. He produced a bottle of ambrosia, and two glasses. He poured a healthy shot for both of them. Kara raised hers in a toast, saying darkly, mockingly "To death!", before downing the lot in one go.

Lee watched her, knowing from experience that she was close to an explosion. She needed the release, and he knew better then anyone how to deal with the fallout. Reaching for the bottle, she poured herself another drink, welcoming the burn at the back of her throat as she swallowed it in one gulp. She poured yet another drink, spilling some ambrosia on the wooden desk, before he could take the bottle from her.

He held her gaze until she turned away from him. "Stop looking at me." She ordered, trying to snatch the bottle from him.

He wouldn't give it to her, so she stood, unsteadily, intending to crack open a new bottle, if she could find it. She wobbled a little as she walked and he reached out to her. She slapped his hand away. "Don't." She said darkly. Her mood had took a nosedive and was still falling. Cottle's words were still echoing her in brain, and she just wanted them to _stop_. She wanted it all to stop.

"Kara…" He said softly, "Stop it." He reached out for her, hand outstretched.

"Shit." She swore, refusing to look at him because if she did, he would see the tears in her eyes. She didn't want him to see her cry, not now. She needed him to think that she was angry so he would leave her alone. She snatched the bottle from him. He was so surprised he let it go, regretting it instantly.

The bottle dipped again, spilling most of the liquid onto the table top. It dripped off the side of the table and onto the floor, each drip sounding shockingly loud as it landed in the puddle. She didn't let that put her off, abandoning the glass in favour of drinking straight from the bottle. When she set it back down, it was almost empty. It had been full when they started drinking. Lee's drink sat untouched on the desk, mocking her.

It hurt to remember her illness, but it hurt event more to forget, she was finding. Each sip of ambrosia cut straight to her heart, freeing more memories. Things she thought she had forgotten about her childhood came back, in shocking detail. She didn't stop drinking, hoping the next swallow would be the one to numb her pain. Even as she drank, she knew that nothing would take away the pain. It was buried too deep inside of her. Tears couldn't burn it out and she couldn't get drunk enough for oblivion to take her.

Slamming down the bottle, she stood, wanting to climb out of her own skin to escape the torment. The bottle fell onto the floor, smashing into a million shards. They mixed with the ambrosia, looking like melting ice in a puddle of seawater. She stood on a shard, leaving bloody foot prints when she walked. She didn't notice the bite of the glass or the sting of the alcohol.

Bending, she picked up the largest shard of glass, pressing it against her wrist. It hadn't broken the skin, but a little more pressure and it would. She kept her eyes on the floor, wondering what it would feel like. Would it hurt? Would she feel the burn, and then nothing? A sob fought its way out of her, hurting her chest with it's intensity.

"Is it making you feel better?" He asked harshly.

She closed her eyes, looking away from him. "I want to… I just want peace. I don't want to feel anything anymore. It all hurts so much…" She said, chest heaving with emotion.

Quietly, he said. "Please, don't leave me Kara. I need you. I can't lose you. I can't…" He reached out of the shard of glass, surprised when she let it drop without a fight. She threw her arms around him, weeping. He hugged her to him, letting his own tears fall on her back.


	9. Chapter Eight

**A/N- I'm so sorry this hasn't bee updated for a long time. Life's been crazy! Thanks for reading, and hope you enjoy! **

Chapter Eight

Lee sat on his office floor, his back to the cold wall. Kara had given into sleep, laying on the floor with her head on his lap. He'd covered he with his uniform jacket, for the lack of anything better to use. He absently played with her hair. His shirt was damp from her tears, and his own were still drying on his face. He'd never seen Kara loose control so fully. It had scared him badly, seeing her standing there was a blade at her wrist. He'd never seen her as the suicidal type. She _wasn't _the suicidal type; that was why it had been so scary watching her.

The room felt like it was closing in on him, but he didn't move. The smell of ambrosia was thick in the air and he knew Cottle was going to go mad, but he couldn't bring himself to care. His mind was replaying that scene again, wondering how serious she had been. Did she really want to end her life or was it just a combination of the drink and sorrow? What would he have done had she pressed down a little harder? He didn't know and wouldn't find out until she woke. He couldn't blame her, in any way. His heart was aching for her.

She moved, blinking carefully. Her head ached, and her eyes felt swollen. She forced herself to sit up, groaning as stiff muscles protested. Sitting, she leaned against him slightly, warding off the chill from the floor. Her chest ached slightly, feeling tender inside from her wracking sobs. He had an arm wrapped around her, giving and taking comfort at the same time. Gods know, they both needed a little comfort right now.

"How long was I asleep?" She asked. Her voice was hoarse and scratchy, throat dry. She coughed a little, irritating her throat even more.

"About half an hour." He said, offering her a drink of water from the bottle at his side. "Talk to me." He said softly.

She couldn't find the words to describe what she had been feeling an hour before. She hadn't wanted to die; she just wanted the world to leave her alone, let her be happy for a few precious hours. Everything had gotten on top of her and she hadn't been able to get from under it. She felt better now, more like herself. It was like a dam had broken and the rush of emotion had been so intense she hadn't been able to cope with it. Her chest still ached from the all crying she had done.

"I can't tell you how I felt. Everything was just too much, I just needed it all to… to stop." She couldn't describe it any better than that. "I didn't want to die. At least, I don't think I did." She honestly didn't know how she had felt; everything was still a blur. She clenched her trembling hands into loose fists, trying to figure out how she was feeling. Leaning forward, she rested her head on her bent knees, wrapping her arms around them in a hug. Lee laid a gentle hand on her back, rubbing, soothing her with touch.

Those words were little comfort to him. She had badly scared him. He'd always thought of her as so tough, even when she was hurting. To see her breakdown like that was like being told the earth was no longer solid; like being told that Cylons were really the good guys. It had shaken him deeply. It had shaken her more, to go to that brink and not want to come back. She had been willing and able to jump from it, so desperate for release from her feelings.

He sighed, deeply, softly. "Gods, Kara… Never do that again. Never!" The lump in his throat wouldn't let him say any more.

She didn't get chance to reply. A quick, sharp rap at the door drew her attention that way, and she looked up sharply, already knowing who would be standing there. She closed her eyes, swiping a tired hand over them, rubbing away the still drying tears that were there. Her eyes were sore, and it felt nice to block out the harsh light for a few moments.

Lee stood, glancing resignedly around the room before opening the door. Helo stood there, hand raised slightly, as if he had been about to knock again. Lee sighed, glad it was Helo and not the commander, or worse, Cottle himself. "Doc Cottle sent me to find you. Is Kara with you?" Helo said quietly, stepping inside of the door.

Lee stepped away from the door, inventing Helo in. "She's here. What does Cottle want?" He glanced around the room, realising too late that there was still smashed glass all over the floor. Kara was still sat with her back to the cold wall, head down on her knees. She was ignoring the men, safe in her own little world. Her hair had fallen around her face, each strand catching the light so it looked like it was glowing.

Helo felt his eyebrows rise as he took in the smashed glass and spilled liquor. He didn't say a word, understanding the mess for what it was; a coping mechanism that, called on once too often, had failed when she needed it most. He felt for her, could hardly understand how she was coping so well with such tragic news.

"Doc says he wants Kara back in the sick bay now; he said it was something about her test results." Helo said, the urgency clear in his voice. "If you wanna take her back, I'll clear this up for you." He half turned, indicating the mess in the room. He moved his foot, glad for the thick sole of his boot as a shard of glass crunched under his weight.

"Am I dying?" Kara asked softly, surprised at how calm she felt. She pushed herself to her feet, stepping carefully over the glass. She looked tiny compared to the men. Barefoot, and in sweats, she looked vulnerable, delicate, like she needed someone to look after of her.

Helo turned, and she got to see the pain etched in his face. "He didn't say, Kara. He wouldn't tell me." His voice was quiet, soft, but she heard every word clearly. "I don't think so, Kara. I don't." He assured her quickly. Some slight thing in his face touched her, made her feel. She didn't want to die. She loved life too much to give it up for a stupid illness. Helo reached out and took her hand, feeling her pulse racing in her wrist.

Her world crumbled. She closed her eyes as hot tears raced down her cheeks. She didn't think she had any tears left to shed. Warm, strong arms wrapped around her and she clung to them, not caring enough to open her eyes to see which of her friends was holding her. Trusting them enough to keep her safe, not let her fly into a million shards like she thought she would if they let go. She was shaking, unable to get enough air because of her tears. She felt her knees grow weak, felt the person holding her take more of her weight as she let herself lean against them.

The strong grip around her relaxed slightly, and she tilted her head back, forcing her eyes open to see who was holding her. Lee stood in front of her, eyes full of concern, lingering on her face. He tilted his head forward slightly, kissing her with such tenderness that she melted, returning the kiss with all the longing in her. He moved his hand, cupping her cheek lovingly. He kissed her eyes, kissed away her tears. They never noticed Helo backing quietly from the room, a warm smile on his face as he watched them.

Helo paused in the hallway, leaning against the door while he decided what to do. He glanced at his watch, deciding that he had time to go back to sick bay before he started his shift. Cottle had been asking for volunteers for testing; Helo was going to be one of them. It was the least he could do to help his friend.


	10. Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine

Helo walked into the sick bay, coming to a halt as he took in the overcrowded room. He'd just finished a long shift, and was still dressed in his flight suit, arms tied loosely around his waist. At least half the flight crew was there, along with a group of deck hands, a couple of nurses and a few others who he didn't immediately recognise. He smiled, walking up to Cally. "Hey. What's going on?" He asked her, stepping back out of the way as a couple of people tried to get out of the crush. Each had a wad of cotton wool taped over the crook of their elbow.

"We're volunteering to be tested to help Starbuck." Cally said. "They're taking blood in the cubicles. It's being screened for a match." She shivered a little, adding "I hope they find one."

"Everyone here is volunteering?" Helo asked, a little overwhelmed by the support for his friend. "I swung by this morning to give blood, but the Doc was busy."

"Yup. A lot of people have already been and gone. Even Tigh was here!" Cally supplied, adding "Doc Cottle's trying to set up a donor bank. In case anyone else needs it. It's a big thing; the crew is really behind it."

He couldn't think of anything to say. "Wow." He said, taking another look around the room. "Does Kara know about this?"

"It was the commander's idea." Cally said. "I guess they told Starbuck."

"I don't think they did." Helo said, realising what Cottle had wanted earlier. "I'll be right back." He said, slipping out of the door. He jogged comfortably to Lee's office, knocking on the door. There was no answer and he swore quietly, knocking again. "Come on, Captain! Answer the fracking door!" He muttered, shifting impatiently. He knocked a third time, giving up when he got the same result. He changed direction, heading towards the pilot's quarters, hoping like hell they were there.

He pushed open the door, finding the room surprisingly quiet and empty, considering the shifts were changing. Scowling, he stepped in, noticing that the curtain over Lee's bunk was drawn closed. He walked over to it, saying "Captain?", before pulling it back slowly. A smile grew on his face as he took in what he was seeing. Kara was sound asleep, covers tucked over her. Lee was laid on his side, looking exhausted. His eyes were on Kara's face. The love there made Helo want to leave them alone again. Before he could move, Lee glanced up, spotting him.

"Helo?" Lee said, carefully climbing over Kara's sleeping form. "What's up?"

"Have you heard?" Helo asked directly, not wasting any time.

"I heard. Kara was mad as hell that the commander told the crew."

"She has every right to be!" Helo snapped quietly. "He shouldn't have told them without asking her first."

Lee sighed, slumping down on a nearby bench, rubbing his hands over his face slowly. "He did ask. She said no, but no-one was coming forward to give blood. He had to tell them. Only way to get any volunteers."

Helo dropped next to him. "Have you been tested?" He asked.

"Yeah. I did it this morning. You?" Lee asked.

"Not yet… I came to find out what was going on first. I'll go back soon." Helo promised, "How long will it take to find out?

"Cottle says we should have the test results back in a few days." Lee supplied. "We'll know then if there's a match."

"Then what?" Helo asked, his gut telling him it wasn't going to be nice for Kara.

"If there's a match, Kara is given drugs to suppress her immune system. Then they harvest the marrow from the donor, and give it to her. If not, Cottle will have to widen the search; try off the ship." Lee said slowly, repeating what the doctor had told him earlier.

"You love her, don't you?" Helo asked "I saw it in your face earlier."

Lee ducked his head. "I do." He paused. "I just didn't realise it until now. I can't loose her. I won't let it happen."

"Does she know?" Helo asked. There was no censure in his voice, just simple curiosity.

"I haven't told her, if that's what you mean. I think she's guessed." Lee said, feeling a little flustered. He felt colour rise along his cheeks, and ducked his head for a moment.

"You should tell her. She should know that you love her. She deserves to know." Helo said, leaving the thought that they were both thinking unsaid.

"I will… When we find out the results, good or bad, I'll tell her." Lee vowed simply.

A weak groan drew their attention to the bunk. They rushed over to it, Lee beating Helo by a mere stride. Kara lay curled up on her side, face creased into a pained frown. Her eyes moved restlessly under closed lids. She was paler than ever, the shadows under her eyes deep and dark. The bed clothes were twisted around her, clinging to her body.

"Kara?" Lee said softly, reaching out to touch her face gently. She was burning up, flushed and bathed in a cold sweat. Lee glanced at Helo, eyes wide with worry. Helo looked just as worried, eyes dark and brooding. A frown creased his face as he looked at his friend.

"You stay here with her; I'll go get the doc." Helo said simply, turning and running from the room before Lee could answer him. The hatch banged shut behind him, sounding like an explosion in the still room. "Be quick!" Lee whispered, fear gripping him as he took another look at the woman he loved.

Lee gently shook her, hoping to wake her. It didn't work; she was beyond his reach. He backed slowly away from her, heading into the shower room to get a cold cloth. It took him mere seconds to fetch one, but it felt like hours. He raced back into the bunk room, skidding to a halt by the bed. Folding the cloth, he wiped her face and neck with it gently, hoping to cool her down. She turned her face into the cloth, seeking the coolness it offered. He ran it over her wrists, then back over her face.

Leaving the cloth against the back of her neck, he took her right hand in both of his. "Don't leave me, Kara. I love you. You're not getting out of it that easily." He whispered. "I want to tell you properly. I want you to understand what I'm saying." He added in a hoarse voice. He leaned over the bunk and kissed her gently on the forehead.

Behind him, the door burst open again, admitting a group of medical personnel. They rushed over to the bed, forcing Lee out of the way as they loaded Kara onto a stretcher, tucking a pillow under her head and a warm blanket over her clothed form. They were quick and efficient, one setting up an IV while another took her temperature. They spoke quickly, using medical terms Lee was too tense to figure out. In less than five minutes, they'd left the room, leaving Lee and Helo standing mutely in the empty bunk room.


	11. Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten

Lee paced the room while he waited. Just over an hour had passed, and it was the longest of his life. Helo had left him alone, perhaps sensing Lee's need to be by himself. He was in an empty store room across the hall from the sick bay. He'd wedged the door open just enough to see out, but hung back, away from it. He wanted to be alone. Though he didn't want to, he couldn't stop himself from playing the scene over and over in his mind, always coming back to the conclusion that he was somehow to blame.

He shouldn't have allowed her to drink. He should have known that there was something wrong with her earlier. She'd been pale and listless for weeks, but he'd just written it off to her drinking and the stress of training new pilots. He should have found out what was making her drink in the first place. Whichever way he looked at it, he was to blame.

His self-recrimination was brought to an abrupt halt as one of the nurses bolted into the hall, eyes red with unshed tears, hands shaking. Lee raced after her, mind jumping to the only conclusion he could make. Kara was dead. Oh god, he felt tears build in his own eyes as that thought took over his brain. His knees felt weak, and his voice was shaky as he called after the nurse.

"Lucy! Wait!" He yelled down the corridor. She stopped, leaning against the wall as he caught up with her.

"Is she dead?" Lee asked. "Please, just tell me. Is she dead?" He closed his eyes as he waited for the answer. Part of him wanted to walk away, deny the fact that the woman he loved could be dying… could be leaving him.

"Oh, god no, Lee, she's alive. She's fighting so hard… so very hard." A sob stole her voice for a moment, and she composed herself with difficulty. "She's in so much pain, Lee, and she's still fighting to live. I've never seen anyone with so much will to live."

"Why are you crying?" Lee asked gently. His own eyes were burning with the tears that he was holding back. He looked awful. His skin was grey from fatugue and lack of sleep. The dark circles under his eyes were as dark as his hair. Fine tremors raced through his hands, from stress and exhaustion. His uniform was creased, unfastened at the neck while his hair was a mass of wild spikes where he had been dragging his hands through it.

"She's my friend. We play cards… she always beats me. We swap books... Do out laundry together. She took me under her wing when I first came on the ship. I'd been cornered in the mess by a group of men… she kicked their asses and smiled while she was doing it." A sad smile hovered around her mouth as she remembered her first meeting with Kara. It died quickly away, melting like ice into the tears running down the young nurse's face. Lucy pulled in a long, shuddering breath. "I can't bear to see her like this."

Lee reached out, laid a hand on her shoulder. "She'll be okay. She'll be back to the annoying Starbuck we all know and love." He said aiming for levity and knowing he was failing by an ocean. He felt choked, impossibly sad… and angry, so angry at the gods that Kara had give so much too, only to have everything stripped away from her.

Lucy raised her tear filled green eyes to Lee's. "No, she won't Lee. We can't find a match. There's not one on the ship… the doc wants to start testing the fleet, but there's not enough time." She sobbed again, burying her head in her hands. Instinctively, Lee pulled her to him, wrapping her in a hug until her tears died down a little. His mind noted that she was shorter than Kara, and thinner too.

Dread drained all the colour from Lee's face. "What are you saying?" He asked. He needed to hear her say it before he could believe it.

"She's dying, Lee. Kara's dying."


	12. Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven 

"I want to see her." Lee said, moving away from Lucy and heading towards the sick bay door. She made no move to stop him, so he walked in, going straight to Kara's private room, stepping into a scene of utter chaos. Nurses and techs moved around the room in a frenzy of activity, each doing the job that they had been assigned to do. Doctor Cottle was in the centre, standing over Kara's bed. He was an island of calm amid the rushed frenzy of the rest of the room.

Lee made his way through the chaos, stopping a few steps away from Kara's bed. She looked awful… worse than ever. He'd never seen someone so pale before. Her eyes were open and despite her immense pain, she managed to smile at him. He took her hand, mindful of the equipment attached to her. He glanced at Cottle, reading the doctor's expression easily. This was really the end. She felt cold, and he knew that it had nothing to do with the ambient temperature of the ship. He unfolded another blanket, throwing it over her carefully.

She blinked, each breath torture as it sent shivers of pain through her body. She was so very cold, in a way no extra blankets could help. Her very soul was cold. Tears raced down her cheeks, the only sign she could give Lee that she was still fighting, still clinging to life with both hands.

"Oh… Kara." He whispered. "Oh, my love." He ran a tender hand over her hair, smoothing the strands back from her face.

She smiled a little, sadly, bravely. "Never thought I'd go like this, Lee. I wanted to burn out, not fade away." Her voice caught and she sobbed. "Oh, gods… Lee. I'm not ready. I don't want to go." A fresh wave of tears escaped her eyes as she said the words.

He lent over and gently kissed her, silencing her. He looked into her eyes and spoke words right from his heart. "I love you Kara, more that life. More than I love myself. You're part of me and always will be." One of his tears dripped on to her face, mixing with hers. Together, they slid down her face. He wiped them away with his thumb, the warm liquid quickly growing cold in the room.

She raised a hand to his face, tracing his lips with a feather light finger. "I love you too Lee. I…" She coughed, a harsh barking sound as she tried to catch her breath. Cottle stepped forward, placing an oxygen mask on her face. The medical staff had stepped back to a respectful distance, giving the couple time to say their goodbyes.

"Breathe, Kara. Just breathe." Lee told her. "Just keep breathing."

She did, eyes sliding closed despite her best efforts to keep them open. She felt light, insubstantial, like she would blow away in a strong wind. The pain was coming in waves, sometimes so bad she wanted to give in, sometimes not there at all. Lee squeezed her hand, desperately trying to give her some of his strength. He was her life line, he connection to the world. Without him, she would have already gone.

Each breath was growing shallower than the last. It wouldn't be long now. He didn't turn when the door behind him swung open, concentrating on Kara's face. She took another, tenuous breath, fingers tightening slightly around Lee's hand. It was the best she could do. She forced her eyes open, looking at Lee's face so very far above her.

"Sorry, Lee…" She breathed. "So very sorry…" as her eyes slid closed.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Twelve

"We've got a match, Doc!" Lucy shouted. "It came up on the last batch we tested." She carried a folder, and pulled a sheet of paper from it as she walked across the room.

"Who is it?" Cottle snapped, reaching for the things he'd need to prepare Kara for the surgery. He took the sheet of paper Lucy offered him, scanning it quickly. He seemed satisfied with the results.

"Helo," The nurse supplied. "He's getting prepped now." She smiled at Lee, who smiled uncertainty back. He still wasn't quite sure what was going on, except that it seemed to be good news.

"Okay," Cottle said. "I want you in the operating theatre." He said, giving her a list of instructions before turning back to Kara. Cottle injected something into her IV line, hanging a new bag of saline when he realised the old one was close to running out. He took Kara's vitals, writing them down on her chart. Lee hovered by the bed, worry etched deep into his deep blue eyes.

"Doc?" Lee asked "What's happening?" His hand tightened around Kara's as he watched the activity in the room suddenly become intense. It seemed that every inch of the room was covered in a hurrying person.

"We found a match for her bone marrow. It's Helo. We're going to harvest some of his and give it to her, but we have to give Kara drugs to kill off her own bone marrow first. We can't do any of that here, so we're moving her to the operating theatre." Cottle explained, his voice gentle.

"Will she be okay?" Lee asked, rubbing his thumb over the back of Kara's hand. "Will it hurt her?"

Her skin felt cool under his touch, her hand slack beneath his own. Lee longed for her to wake up, to do something. He'd even let her hit him. Anything was better than the frightening stillness that gripped her now. She'd never been one to sit still. He hated seeing her so ill. It tore at his heart.

"I can't promise anything, Lee, but you know what she's like…" Cottle said. "I'll give her the good drugs," He added, patting Lee on the shoulder a couple of times before leaving the room.

Lee felt a small smile start on his face as the truth in that statement sunk in. Oh, he knew Kara alright. She was a fighter to the end. It made him feel a little better. The worry in his eyes faded, becoming a little less intense. The tightness in his shoulders eased, and he let himself relax a little for the first time in hours.

"Yes, I know Kara," He said with a warm, wan smile.

Two new nurses appeared at his side. "Sir, we need to take her now." The taller one said. She raised the side rails on the bed, making sure that Kara would be safe. Lee brushed a lock of hair off Kara's face, smoothing it behind her ear. His hands moved, tucking the blankets around her more warmly. He didn't want her to be cold.

"Oh, okay." Lee said, even though he didn't want to let go of her hand for a second. Losing her would be like losing part of himself. It was unbearable. He bent and kissed her gently, whispering 'I love you' in her ear, before the two nurses wheeled her bed from the room. The door swung shut behind them, the noise loud in the now quiet room.

He was left standing alone, forlorn, with nothing to do but wait in the suddenly empty room.


	14. Chapter 14

Author's note;

I'm really glad that you're enjoying this story. I never expected such a great response to it! I'm very, very pleased with all the lovely reviews you've been giving this, so a great big thank you for them!

I'm sorry the story has come in bits like it has. I've been working a lot of hours, and that's cut into my writing time considerably. This is going to be the last chapter- I hope you enjoy it!

Thank you all again!

Chapter Thirteen

He sat in the large hanger bay, watching the ceremony in front of him. The mood was solemn, faces edged with sadness. Helo sat beside him, his large frame held still and tight with sadness. The rest of the hanger was filled with people in a similar state, all mourning an important loss.

"Lee?" Helo asked, voice halting and tired.

"Sorry?" Lee asked the other man, snapping back to sad reality from his happy daydreams.

"I said, are you okay?" The larger man asked again, eyes flicking to the front of the hanger. A large, boxy shadow loomed over the hanger bay, made bigger by the lights shining on it's source.

"I'm going to miss her." Lee said, eyes downcast.

"I know." Helo agreed. "I am, too."

"Count me in. I flew the damn thing." Said a subdued female voice to Lee's right. Lee jumped; they'd been no-one sitting there a few seconds ago.

Helo's face broke into a wide, easy smile. "Starbuck!" he exclaimed, a thread of pure joy in his voice. "When did Doc Cottle set you loose?"

"Oh, about an hour ago." Kara said "But I had a few people to visit before I came here." She said, brushing her hand across Lee's.

"How are you doing?" Lee asked, snapping out of his trance.

"Fit and healthy." Kara said. "All fixed. Doc says I can fly again, if you're willing to let me." She glanced ruefully at the crumpled Viper at the front of the hanger. "Not that I have a bird to fly."

"It's good to have you back, Kara." Lee said softly, leaning his face closer to hers. They almost touched when a loud, authoritative voice boomed over the hanger bay. They jumped apart like guilty teenagers, each wearing a slight blush and a happy smile.

There would be time for kissing later. They had a Viper to say farewell to first.


End file.
